


hazy and spun out (just more than friends)

by bellawritess



Series: first bass [1]
Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band), All Time Low (Band), One Direction (Band)
Genre: (none of our main boys though there's just a party going on), Alcohol, Alternate Universe - College/University, Everyone Is Gay, First Kiss, Friends to Lovers, Gen, Group chat, M/M, Male Friendship, References to Drugs, Underage Drinking, boys being boys (in all-male acappella group), college acappella AU, everyone is in an acappella group and most of them are just vibing, frankly an uninteresting amount of detail about acappella groups, god im really entering fic writing for bandom with a triple attack huh, ill die on my merrikat hill if i must, it's malum-centric though everyone else is mostly just there, liam/zayn louis/harry and alex/lisa, lisa's not even in it though shes just mentioned once, more of an ensemble fic, pink-haired michael, so i havent tagged them but they are, there are other canon relationships but they aren't really relevant, yes im a mainstream alex/lisa kinda girl what are you gonna do about it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-02
Updated: 2020-05-02
Packaged: 2021-02-23 05:50:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 13,798
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23973322
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bellawritess/pseuds/bellawritess
Summary: “Fuck,” Calum says, at the same time as the stranger whose foot he’s crushed says it. “I’m so sorry, mate. I’m — sorry. I got shoved.”He looks over to the victim of his crime and whatever else he’d planned to say gets stuck in his windpipe. Holyshit. Nobody should be allowed to look this good at an acappella showcase,especiallysomeone with pink hair. Fuck.“It’s all good,” the pink-haired guy says, although he winces when he moves his foot. “That’s on me, shouldn’t have had my foot in the aisle, I guess.”
Relationships: Jack Barakat/Zack Merrick, Luke Hemmings/Ashton Irwin, Michael Clifford & Luke Hemmings, Michael Clifford & Zayn Malik, Michael Clifford/Calum Hood, lads being homies in general
Series: first bass [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1928686
Comments: 24
Kudos: 65





	1. real sweet, but i wish you were sober

**Author's Note:**

> when i say this au is heavily based on my own college acappella experience,,,,i genuinely mean it. anyway, this fic is for helen for letting me talk nonstop about it in her inbox. despite ur shit atl music tastes u are still the og malum king and i am but a humble peasant with a fic offering for you
> 
> anyway. i did not expect this to get so long so i split it in two but im posting em at the same time. enjoy
> 
> chapter 1 title is from wish you were sober by conan gray :)
> 
> fic title from getaway green the best song ever on the best all time low album ever (wus) haters can block me
> 
> also tw for alcohol (and i guess if this takes place in an american university like i've sort of imagined it to then also tw for underage drinking)

“Luke, I don’t want to join acappella,” Calum grouses, again. Luke has developed temporary deafness and is ignoring him, again. “I want to finish unpacking my shit! Let me go!”

Luke does not let go. His boyfriend Ashton is the president of the all-male acappella group on campus, creatively known as First Bass. Classic California liberal arts school. Apparently, Ashton performing means Luke needs to attend, and Luke attending means Calum tagging along (unwillingly). Calum wishes he and Luke hadn’t become such good friends in such a short time. For a new roommate, Luke is being astonishingly pushy.

“You’re coming to the acappella performance,” he says firmly. “Stop arguing. I’ll buy you pizza from the dining hall on the way if you want.”

That’s a pretty meaningless promise, because they’re both on meal plans, but whatever. Calum can unpack later. At least now he’ll be able to tell his mum he actually went somewhere and got involved this week.

The room where the acappella showcase is happening is pretty small but also pretty full. At the side, tables are set up, each with a placard indicating the group it represents. Calum scans the room for the group that might be First Bass and identifies them with relative confidence as the guys with t-shirts that read “Made It To First Bass.” Their logo is the outline of a baseball with the bass clef printed on it. Calum snorts without meaning to.

The moment they enter the room, Luke ditches Calum like the shit friend that he is and makes a beeline for one of the First Basses — Ashton, probably. _Okay_ , Calum thinks, giving him a once over. Luke says he’s Aussie, but if someone claimed he was a local, Calum wouldn’t be surprised; Ashton is tan and built, with a sharp jaw and curly brown sun-kissed hair. He looks like a fucking surfer.

He glances around the room, shifting awkwardly on his feet and hoping Luke will come back, even though there’s a pretty slim chance of that. Then somebody bumps into him from behind and he stumbles forward, stepping on someone’s foot in the process.

“Fuck,” Calum says, at the same time as the stranger whose foot he’s crushed says it. “I’m so sorry, mate. I’m — sorry. I got shoved.”

He looks over to the victim of his crime and whatever else he’d planned to say gets stuck in his windpipe. Holy _shit_. Nobody should be allowed to look this good at an acappella showcase, _especially_ someone with pink hair. Fuck. 

“It’s all good,” the pink-haired guy says, although he winces when he moves his foot. “That’s on me, shouldn’t have had my foot in the aisle, I guess.”

Calum registers an accent. “You’re Aussie?” he manages.

Pink-haired guy grins. “Hey, you too? What a coincidence.”

“My- my roommate’s also Aussie,” Calum says. He has no idea how he’s speaking. “Small world, I guess.” He clears his throat self-consciously. “Um. Yeah.”

“Do you wanna sit?” Pink-hair offers, gesturing to the empty seat next to him. “So long as you don’t step on my feet again, I mean.”

“Very funny,” Calum says. “Yeah, alright.” He glances over at Luke, who waves cheerily and shows no sign of leaving Ashton. Calum waves back and steps gingerly over Pink-hair’s legs to take the seat inside of his. “I’m Calum, by the way.” 

“Michael,” Pink-hair says. “Nice to meet you, Calum.” Wow, Calum is obsessed with the way his name sounds off Michael’s tongue. “Is that your roommate?” He jerks his chin towards Luke.

Calum nods. “That’s Luke. He’s a little bastard, if you can believe it.”

“How does he know First Bass?” Michael asks. If Calum’s not mistaken, he sounds like he’s in awe.

“Oh, uh, his boyfriend is the president. Guess they knew each other before Ashton came, or something. According to Luke they’ve been dating since birth or something ridiculous like that.”

“That’s amazing,” Michael sighs. “I’d love to be a First Bass.” He turns to look at Calum. “What about you? Which group do you want to join? I know they’re all good, but if you don’t say First Bass I don’t think we can be friends.”

Calum’s truthful response of “I didn’t want to come, Luke dragged me here, I think acappella is cheesy and I’d rather be in a band that plays real instruments” dies in his throat at Michael’s eager, hopeful expression. His eyes are so impossibly green, his eyelashes so long and dark and pretty.

Calum’s well and truly fucked. 

“Yeah, First Bass as well, obviously,” he says, forcing a laugh. “I’m not an animal.”

Luke comes to sit next to him at that moment. “Luke, this is Michael,” Calum says obligingly, before Luke asks. “Michael, my roommate Luke.”

“Hey,” Luke says.

“Hey.”

“Hi, everyone!” someone says into a microphone at the front of the room, and the chatter dies out as the showcase starts.

The groups are all varying levels of really good. Calum can sort of see the appeal of being in one, from just sitting here and watching. It looks entertaining. According to Ashton’s spiel before their mini-set, First Bass doesn't actually compete, but when they perform they look like they’re having so much fun Calum almost wants to join them. He glances over at Michael, who’s bopping his head along to the music.

When the showcase ends, everybody lines up at the tables at the side of the room to sign up for auditions. The three of them head straight to the First Bass table, and Calum, sighing deeply, puts his name down under Luke and Michael’s for a time slot in two days.

* * *

The only audition requirements are that the song can’t be classical or musical theatre, so he and Luke puzzle it out, and Calum decides on Teenage Dirtbag while Luke goes for Vindicated by Dashboard Confessional, because he's an indie emo little shit. They both get called back, and so, apparently, does Michael, because when they enter the rehearsal room for callbacks the first thing Calum sees is a shock of pink hair.

He loses the ability to speak, and recovers it just barely in time to return Michael’s bright, “Hey! Calum!”

“Hey,” he says. He feels immediately better about being here. He’d worried that Luke would leave him and hang out with Ashton the whole time, but now there’s someone else he knows. Granted, he’s not always able to talk around that someone, but surely it’s better than nothing. “Congrats on the callback.”

“You too,” Michael says. “Not in yet, though.”

“You will be,” Calum says, which is a stupid thing to say because he honestly has no idea, has never even heard Michael sing, but it seems to be what Michael wants to hear.

“Thanks,” he says. “Hey, can Luke introduce me to Ashton? I want to get on his good side just in case.”

Calum raises his eyebrows. “Brown-nosing, Michael? That’s not very professional of you.”

“Nope, it isn’t,” Michael says, popping the ‘p’. “So can he?”

Calum laughs. “So what did you sing for your audition?” That’s a safe question, right? Nothing Michael could possibly say would trip Calum up. Hopefully he’ll say something like _Kanye_ and Calum will find it easier not to like him.

“‘I Miss You,’” Michael says. “Blink-182. It’s, like, my all-time favorite song and just so happens to be in my range, so.”

Oh. Calum is wrong. This has officially tripped him up. Michael likes blink. Scratch that; Michael pretty clearly _loves_ blink. “Oh,” he says hoarsely. He clears his throat. “Uh. That’s. That’s awesome. I love that song. A lot.” He looks wildly around, hoping for a brief respite from this conversation to recover from the fact that not only is Michael gorgeous and witty, he also has flawless taste in music. Thankfully, Ashton takes the opportunity to start callbacks, and Calum is rescued.

Callbacks go really well. Calum even manages to hang up his cynicism about acappella and enjoy himself, something that is surprisingly easy to do with the guys in First Bass. They’re all really funny and seem to prioritize having fun, which is a mission statement Calum can get behind. There are only ten members of the group at the moment, but what they lack in numbers they more than make up for in enthusiasm. The cut they were supposed to learn for callbacks is from an arrangement of “All Star” by Smash Mouth. Somehow, that makes Calum want to be in the group more than anything else they’ve done or said. (Okay. That’s a lie. Michael is the main reason Calum wants to be in the group, but if anybody asks, he’s a huge fan of Smash Mouth and nothing else.)

When callbacks end, Calum hovers at the door, unsure if he should wait for Luke and Ashton. Then Michael leaps up the steps to the door and grins at him like he’s expecting them to walk together, and Calum decides Luke can find his own way.

They talk about blink-182 and how they think they did at callbacks and voice parts and pizza and by the time they get to Calum’s residence hall, he’s working up the courage to ask Michael for his number. (He’s got _pink hair_ , and Calum’s just supposed to assume he’s straight?)

“Hey,” Michael says as they slow to a stop. “Can I have your number? To text you about acappella stuff, and all? I don’t really know anyone else.”

Oh. That was easy.

“Yeah, yeah, ‘course, of course,” Calum says, hurriedly pulling his phone out. “Here, we’ll — we can trade. Give me your phone.”

“Don’t check my browser history,” Michael jokes, swapping his phone for Calum’s. Calum puts his number in, and puts in “Teenage Dirtbag” as the contact name, then hesitates and adds “(Calum From First Bass)” just in case Michael forgets. When they trade back, he clicks the “take photo” button for the contact and says, “Smile.”

Michael immediately flips him off. Calum’s cropping the photo when Michael says, “Now you smile.”

Calum looks up and crosses his eyes. Michael grins as the photo shows up on his screen.

“Awesome,” he says. “This is a great photo of you.”

“Something to remember me by,” Calum says. “Put it in your wank bank.” That’s probably too forward to say to someone he’s only met twice, but Michael laughs.

“See ya, Cal,” he says. The nickname makes Calum’s heart melt on the spot, so it’s a good thing Michael is walking away as he says it.

Shit shit shit shit shit.

* * *

_Dear Calum Hood,_

_Congrats! You made it to First Bass! You’re our new bass 2. We can't wait to have you in the group. Rehearsals are Thursdays and Sundays from 8-10pm in Kennedy 205 (the same room where callbacks were). Please print out and sign the contract attached to bring to rehearsal on Thursday._

_We’re really excited to have you on Bass! (I’m sorry for all of these puns but we must shake what our mama — the school — gave us.) We’re sure you’re going to be an amazing addition to a great group, and we can’t wait to see you at Thursday’s rehearsal!_

_Best wishes,_

_The First Bass Executive Board_

_-_

_[President: Ashton Irwin_

_Vice president: Liam Payne_

_Music director: Alex Gaskarth_

_PR/Social media: Jack Barakat_

_Treasurer: Niall Horan]_

* * *

“I’m in!” Luke say excitedly. He turns his chair around to look at Calum. “You?”

“You only got in because you’re banging the president. We can’t all be so blessed,” Calum says. Luke throws a sock at him. “I’m kidding, I’m kidding. Yeah, I got in. Bass 2.”

“Tenor 1!” Luke enthuses. “I can’t wait.”

“Same,” Calum says. “I don’t know how they expect me to be able to find the callbacks room again, though.”

“Ash said he can pick us up and we can all walk there together on Thursday.”

“Oh, sick.” Ashton co-led callbacks, but Calum has yet to properly meet him. He’s looking forward to it. From the way Luke talks about him, he might as well be a Greek god. 

It hits him that without really meaning to, he’s just made a semester-long — possibly year-long — commitment to an extracurricular activity. _Another_ one, actually; he’s also got football practice on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Saturdays. Between that and First Bass, Calum’s only free evenings are Tuesdays and Fridays.

Yikes.

Then he gets a text from Michael.

 **Sex God Michael Clifford:** BASS 1

 **Sex God Michael Clifford:** did you get in?????

 **calum:** yeah i did i’m bass 2

 **Sex God Michael Clifford:** FUCK YEAHHH this is gonna be so sick mate

And suddenly he doesn’t mind the scheduling so much.

**calum:** is your last name really clifford

 **calum:** what are you, 80

 **Sex God Michael Clifford:** wow, going straight for the jugular i see

 **Sex God Michael Clifford:** at least i look where im going when i walk so i dont crush any unsuspecting feet

 **calum:** that’s a bad diss and you know it

 **calum:** ive gotta go luke is talking at me about dinner or something. see you on thursday?

 **Sex God Michael Clifford:** not if i see you first

* * *

At 8pm on the dot, Alex — the music director — plays a loud series of chords on the piano. Everyone quiets.

“Thanks, Alex,” Ashton says. He turns and faces Michael, Luke, and Calum. For the first time since their arrival, Calum looks around and realizes: they’re the only three new ones. There had been at least ten people at callbacks, and probably tons more who auditioned. It gives Calum a little thrill to know that out of all the people, he and his two friends had been the best.

“Alright,” Ashton says, clapping his hands together. “Calum, Michael, Luke, welcome to First Bass!”

The room erupts in a cacophonous cheer that has no business sounding so dissonant in a room of acappella kids. When it fades, Ashton says, “Since this is our first rehearsal, we thought we would take care of all the basic housekeeping, so we’re gonna start with everyone going around and introducing ourselves, and then we’ll talk about the contract and arrangements and everything else, alright?”

It sounds good enough to Calum. Michael gives a thumbs up.

“Great,” Ashton says. “So everyone’s gonna say their name, major, voice part...I guess you can say what year you are, if you want? And…their favorite arrangement that we do. I’ll start. My name is Ashton, I’m the president of First Bass. I’m a junior music education major, and I sing bass 1, and if Rian dies I take over beatboxing. My favorite arrangement we do is…All Star, I reckon. Also, um, Luke here is my boyfriend, so if you see us kissing don’t call Public Safety.” He laughs. Luke blushes.

“I will immediately call Public Safety,” says a guy sitting on the floor with his back against the wall, hair dyed in a strange way that makes him look like a skunk. “No PDA in the group. That’s like rule number one.”

“Jack,” Ashton says, “if I had a nickel for every time you’ve broken that rule, I’d have enough money to buy a robot version of you and kick you out of the group. Next! Alex,” he announces, pointing at Alex, who is behind the piano. 

“Hi,” Alex says, holding up a hand in greeting. “I’m Alex, I’m the music director. I am a senior with a double major in English and music ed, because I hate myself, I guess. I sing tenor 2 and also fill in for every other part when people can’t make it to gigs. My favorite arrangement is 3AM by Matchbox Twenty. Liam, go.”

“I’m Liam, I’m a junior. Oh, the vice president, as well. Um, I’m a sophomore journalism major, a tenor 1. What else? Oh — my favorite arrangement. Probably Fat-Bottomed Girls, that’s a favorite.”

“Hi, I’m Niall, I’m the treasurer and I’m a sophomore music major. Really love our Before He Cheats arrangement, to be honest. I’m a bass 1.”

“I’m Jack, I’m the social media slash PR chair slash whatever you want to call me, God of Instagram, whatever. Uh, I’m a senior, bass 2. My favorite arrangement we do is All Star by Smash Mouth, the best song ever by the best band ever.”

Calum’s head is already swimming with names and faces. Some of them are easy — Jack’s hair and general demeanor make him stand out — but he’s pretty much 100% sure he’s going to forget Liam’s name by next rehearsal.

“I’m Harry,” says a curly-haired boy in a Ramones shirt. They’re moving on already. Calum is stressed out by the number of names he’s definitely not going to remember. “I sing tenor 2. Philosophy major. Uh, I like when we do The Cave. What else? I’m a sophomore. Yeah. That’s everything. Rian, your turn.”

“Hello! I’m Rian. I’m a senior double major in history and music production. I am the beatboxer whose death has been mentioned a couple too many times for my comfort. Alex sometimes pretends he can hide me in the bass section, but don’t get it twisted. I don’t sing. My favorite arrangement is Boys Of Summer, obviously.”

“I’m Zayn, I’m a junior visual art major. I sing tenor 1. My favorite arrangement is also The Cave.”

“My name is Zack, I’m a senior psychology major with a concentration in early childhood development. I sing tenor 2, sometimes bass 2. If Rian or Ashton die or fall mysteriously ill, I beatbox. My favorite arrangement is 3AM.”

“I’m Louis!” Calum glances around the room and realizes with relief that Louis is the last one. “A senior drama major, musical theatre concentration. I’m a big fan of Fat Bottomed Girls as well, that’s probably me favorite. Did I say my voice part? I’m a bass 1.” 

“Amazing,” Ashton says, and Calum looks across to Michael and Luke, who both look just as overwhelmed by all the names and new information as he is. He’s in good company, then, at least. “Alright, your turn. Luke? Start us off?”

“I hate you,” Luke says, but obviously not very much, because he starts them off anyway. Calum and Michael exhange twin _oh thank God_ looks. “Okay, well, I’m Luke, I’m a freshman...I’m undecided at the moment but leaning towards a maths major. I’m a tenor 1 and — should I say a favorite arrangement? I’m barely in the group. My favorite song I’ve seen you perform is Boys Of Summer,” he decides.

“That’s because it’s Ashton’s solo,” Jack says. “Suck up! Suck up! Ash, I think Luke has a crush on you.”

Everyone laughs, even Luke. He seems comfortable enough in the group. It occurs to Calum that if he’s been dating someone who’s been in the group for two years now, he probably is at least a little bit familiar with the members. And Michael seems to be a First Bass groupie, which means Calum is really in his own boat here.

“Um, my name is Michael,” Michael says. Calum is immediately caught up in the way Michael sounds a bit nervous, more tongue-tied than Calum’s heard him before. “I, uh. I’m a freshman, obviously, undecided major —”

“You’ll be music ed by the end of the year, guarantee it,” Louis mutters, “they’ve converted everyone else.” Zayn elbows Louis. Calum is proud enough of himself that he’s remembered the names.

Michael chuckles nervously. “We’ll see. I sing bass 1, and, uh, my favorite First Bass arrangement is probably the Abba one, Does Your Mother Know.”

Now it’s Calum. He can feel the heat of everyone’s eyes on him, and it makes him squirm. It doesn’t help that he’s suffering next-in-line effect multiplied by a thousand, so distracted by the timbre of Michael’s voice that he’d forgotten to come up with his answers.

“Oh,” he says. “Hi, I’m Calum. Also a freshman. Also undecided. I’m a bass 2, and, um, I guess...my favorite arrangement is All Star? I haven’t heard anything else.” He shrugs self-consciously. 

Michael claps him on the back as Ashton takes up the mantle again and starts talking about the rest of rehearsal. “Great job,” he says. “Well said.” Calum fails to remember anything else Ashton says for the following hour. Michael’s hand leaves a burning ghost of a touch on his back.

* * *

Michael, Calum, Ashton, and Luke get a late dinner (second dinner for all of them except Ashton, who says he hasn’t eaten since 11 that morning, eliciting a horrified stare from Luke) after rehearsal ends. Most of the dining hall is closed except for the pizza place that’s open until 2am. Calum can see his future, and most of it is spent outside this pizza place. Ideally with Michael.

They sit and talk for an hour. Calum tries not to stare at Michael, but he fails so obviously that at one point Michael asks if he’s got something on his face. 

“I’m glad you guys are in,” Ashton says. “I was so worried you were gonna suck and we’d have to reject you. So thanks for not sucking.” 

“I actually do suck,” Michael says, “just not at singing.”

It takes a moment to settle over the table, and then Luke chokes on his root beer. “Oh my _God_ ,” Ashton says, while Calum tries not to go slack-jawed at the implications. Michael laughs, clearly very proud of himself.

“To be fair,” Calum somehow manages, while Ashton slaps Luke on the back, “it seemed like most if not all of that group does too.” He pauses. “Oh, God, this mental image is horrible. I regret everything. I just mean it seems like they’re all gay. Can I say that if I’m gay?”

“They are,” Ashton says. “You can.”

“We are,” Luke points out.

“I am,” Michael says.

“I am too,” Calum adds.

“Well, that’s settled, then,” Ashton says. “First Bass attracts the gays and there’s nothing we can do about it.”

“Are you saying you hate the gays?” Luke accuses. “Am I going to have to report Ashton Irwin for homophobia?”

“Yes,” Ashton says. “You got me. I hate gay people. Gays shouldn’t have rights. Bi people shouldn’t either,” he adds, looking pointedly at Luke, “so don’t get any ideas. I hate all gay people equally.” Someone walking by gives Ashton a weird look. He freezes with a weird expression, then loudly adds, “Which is a funny joke I can make because I’m gay!”

Calum fucking _loses_ it. He almost pulls a Luke, laughing so hard he nearly chokes on his pizza.

“Good cover, Ash,” Michael says, also laughing hysterically. Luke has buried his head in Ash’s shoulder as if it will make him disappear.

“I could not possibly be more embarrassed to be dating you,” he says.

“Is that a challenge?” Ashton answers. Luke makes a noise that sounds like he’s about to cry. Calum and Michael laugh harder.

* * *

**_Luke Hemmings, Michael Clifford,_ ** _and_ **_Calum Hood_ ** _have been added to_ **_"First Bass sluts and whores"_ **

**Mr. Bass:** welcome welcome new members this is our groupme chat!! this is where you will get all the important info so check it often

 **Michael Clifford:** who are you Mr. Bass

 **JB:** please. call him Ashton bass. Mr bass was his father

 **Mr. Bass:** oh my fuckijg god I forgot we all have stupid nicknames

 **Tommo:** NOBODY SAY WHO YOU ARE it's the first round of initiation

 **Calum Hood:** this is so unfair I have a disadvantage

 **Calum Hood:** Michael is a groupie and Luke is literally banging the president

 **Mr. Bass:** luke you're banging Obama???

 **Rian:** and you didn't invite us???

 ** _JB_** _has created a poll._

**_\- WOULD YOU BANG PRESIDENT OBAMA -_ **

  * _yes_
  * _no I'm a boring hetero_
  * _yes but I would be using him to get to Joe bidens sweet sweet body_



**JB:** vote now on your phones

 **_Michael Clifford_ ** _has changed his name to_ **_sexy motherfucker_ **

**_Calum Hood_ ** _has changed his name to_ **_calum_ **

**_Luke Hemmings_ ** _has changed his name to_ **_luke_ **

**harry/haz/hazza/harold:** even I don't know who most of you lot are with these names to be honest I just guess

 **Father Of All Basses:** okay for real for a sec **@luke @calum @sexy motherfucker** wow I hated typing that. practice larger than life and all star on the arrangement program if you're not sure how to use it then fuck you. We're singing at an open house next Saturday and we're going to do those two so if you don't know them by then you'll just be kicked out of first bass that's all there is to it

 **Rian:** alex oh my god

 **Rian:** if you can't figure out the program ask literally anyone. except Alex who is a useless asshole 

**Father Of All Basses:** you love me

 **Rian:** I actually don't. My only love is Obama, as Jack has so aptly pointed out

 **Luke:** for the record I am NOT banging Obama but if given a choice between him and Ashton………

 **calum:** incredible. guys we will actually get to witness the Luke and Ashton breakup RIGHT HERE ON GROUPME

 **_JB's_ ** _poll_ **_WOULD YOU BANG OBAMA_ ** _has ended._ **_yes but I would be using him to get to Joe bidens sweet sweet body_ ** _won!_

 **JB:** alright which one of you sluts is using Obama for his connections

 **Niall: @Father Of All Basses** I can't come on saturday it's first football match, I gotta be there

 **calum:** you're on the football team???

 **Niall:** goalie speaking! You play footie?

 **calum:** yeah a lot in secondary school, nearly went to uni for it

 **sexy motherfucker:** wow, flex

 **Tommo:** alright footie gang

 **calum:** tommo I have no idea who you are

 **Tommo:** I'm Zayn

 **Zayn:** he's Louis

 **Tommo:** you fucker you ruin everything

 **Mr. Bass:** no identity theft or you're out of the group

 **Tommo:** fine kick me out

 **Tommo:** oh my god he actually bloody EMAILED ME

 **Tommo:** "Louis Tomlinson, you are officially no longer a member of First Bass. Pack up your things at earliest convenience" youre such a shit ashton

 **Mr. Bass:** did I stutter

 **sexy motherfucker:** WHAT a power move. can you kick me out too just for the thrill

 **Mr. Bass:** you haven't warranted it

 **sexy motherfucker:** hi I'm luke hemmings and I love to bang Ashton

 **Mr. Bass:** okay fair enough you're out of the group

 **sexy motherfucker:** nice

* * *

Calum skips the first match of the season to go to the First Bass gig. He doesn't really even know why. If not for Michael and Luke, he's sure he would have gone and played football. He's much more likely to have a future there than in acappella, yet here he is in the student center with the eleven other present members of First Bass. He has a relative grasp on his part in both of their songs and he figures he can just sing a little quieter and let Zack take over. Zack doesn't say much compared to the group, but he's very sturdy on his voice part. Calum appreciates his simplicity.

"I assumed you'd be at the football match, pro athlete that you are," Michael says, giving Calum no advance notice of his approach. Calum hasn't seen him yet today, so it's really not fair of him to sneak up on Calum like that. He's wearing glasses. Oh my God. He's wearing _glasses._ Calum's entire mouth goes dry. Since when does Michael wear glasses? How can someone look this cute?

It's been too many seconds since Michael spoke. Shit. Shit, what did he say? The football match. Right. "Nope," Calum says weakly, and smiles. "I'm loyal to First Bass only."

"God, you sound like me," Michael says. "Which is a good thing, obviously."

Calum reaches out before his brain can convince his body not to. He hooks his fingers around Michael's glasses. "Can I —"

"Yeah, alright."

Calum takes them off Michael. He's hoping it'll make Michael look worse in comparison, but he just looks as good as always, only now without glasses. Calum slides the glasses onto his own face. He's never needed glasses and he knows they're not very practical but there's something to be said for the aesthetic. "How do I look?" 

"I'd tell you," Michael says dryly, "if I could see you."

"Shut up," Calum says. "Take a photo or something." 

Michael does, and before he restores the glasses to their rightful owner, Calum turns to the nearest person in the group (Liam, this one is) and says, "How do I look?"

Liam nods. "Respectable. Intelligent. I'd buy what you're selling."

"You will," Calum says ominously. He turns back to Michael and gives back the glasses. Michael puts them on and looks at the photo.

"Oh, wow," he says, in a voice that sounds like Calum wasn't supposed to hear. "Holy shit."

"What," Calum says nervously. "I know they don't actually look good, it was a joke —"

"Cal, what? Did you even see yourself? You look hot," Michael says. The words sink straight into Calum's heart and make it stop cold. Michael's showing him the photo but all his can hear is _you look hot you look hot you look hot you look hot you_ —

"Everyone's here and accounted for except Niall!" Ashton happily tells the group. Thank God for Ashton. Calum turns quickly to face him, relieved that he doesn't have to answer Michael's comment. Michael's just _like that_ , Calum's sure, but he's equally sure that if he'd stood there another second he might have replied with an unwarranted "you look hot all the time," and that couldn't end well.

"We should kick Niall out for being a jock," Harry says. "None of us play sports."

"Haz, most of us play sports," Louis (Louis, right? He looks suspiciously similar to Liam but their voices are completely different) says, wrapping his entire arm around Harry. ( _Harry, curly hair,_ Calum thinks to himself.)

"Please," Ashton begs. "Can we get in order from tenor 1 to bass 2. Rian, stand outside the tenors."

Everyone shuffles around. Calum tries to cling to Michael's side without making it obvious that he's clinging, but if anyone notices they don't say anything. The group rearranges and Calum and Michael are still next to each other.

Ashton hands out mics and they do a quick mic check. Calum doesn't know how official this gig is — there's no stage or anything — but then Alex steps forward and says into a mic, "Hi, we're First Bass, the sexiest and only all-male group on campus." He turns and hums a pitch. Calum panics because they haven't discussed what song they're starting with and he looks desperately at Michael, who mouths, " _Larger Than Life_ ," and moments later Calum sees that's obvious because Alex is in front and Alex has the solo on this one, and now Calum's forgotten the pitch he gave and Rian counts them off and suddenly they're starting the song.

Calum stumbles on the first few notes and strains his ears for what Zack is doing, but then he realizes that he actually _knows._ Like, he knows his part. He can feel it in the music. He jumps onto the bass line, which is thankfully very repetitive. Alex is the perfect soloist for this song, Calum decides. He's got this absolutely manic energy that seems to all manifest in the performance. To his right, Michael is singing something different — must be the bass 1 line — and Calum wonders if Michael's done acappella before college, because he seems right at ease up here, singing random syllables like it's his favorite thing to do.

Calum tries to lean into Michael's space and sing his part a bit louder. Michael glares at him and pipes up, so Calum does the same, each trying to throw the other off. Calum has an excellent ear for music and absolutely _will not_ be thrown off, which he attempts to communicate by just singing louder, even though it's kind of hard to sing bass notes any louder than he already is. Across the circle, Liam has an arm around Zayn and is swaying both of them, to the clear displeasure of Zayn. Harry is dancing to himself. Luke is standing so stiffly he looks like a soldier about to salute.

They finish Larger Than Life. Michael elbows Calum. "You're so rude. They should have never let you in the group."

"You started it!" Calum protests.

Michael pretends to be offended, and then Zack turns and casts them both a look that doesn't _exactly_ say "hey guys, shut up, this is a gig," but it doesn't _not_ say that, so Calum glares at Michael and they both fall quiet.

Jack has the solo on All Star. Of course he does. 

* * *

**calum:** have you done acappella before?

 **Sex God Michael Clifford:** no

 **calum:** oh

 **calum:** you seemed pretty comfortable during the gig is all

 **Sex God Michael Clifford:** oh I was in a band in secondary school

 **Sex God Michael Clifford:** a cover band, we were pretty awful but I got used to performing in front of people

 **Sex God Michael Clifford:** plus now I have the security of knowing that no matter how bad I fuck up it can't be worse than when we tried to cover Fuck You by CeeLo Green

 **calum:** oh my god

 **calum:** please tell me there's video footage

 **calum:** what happened

 **Sex God Michael Clifford:** more like what DIDNT happen. I think we broke a record for most voice cracks in a song w that performance

 **calum:** show me the video right now or I don't believe you

 **Sex God Michael Clifford:** no fucking chance mate

 **Sex God Michael Clifford:** even if there was video, which theres not because I deleted everything as soon as I could, I would never show it to anyone

 **calum:** so what part of the band were you? Bass 1?

 **Sex God Michael Clifford:** guitarist

_"Fuck,_ " Calum groans. "Luke. He plays _guitar._ "

"I play guitar," Luke says, looking a little hurt. "Why aren't you crushing on me?"

"Because you leave the fridge open," Calum says. 

"I only did that _once._ "

"And when you take your hoodies off you put them on _my_ bed."

"Oh my god, that’s where they are! Do you have them?" Calum lifts up his pillow and reveals the hiding place of every sweatshirt Luke has tossed carelessly onto his bed. Luke stares at him. "Fuck, I've been looking for that red hoodie for like a week! What the fuck, Calum."

"Let this be a lesson," Calum says. "Calum Hood fucks with no man."

"Even Michael?"

"Fuck you," Calum grumbles. " _He plays guitar, Luke._ And he sings! _And_ he's got pink hair, and he likes blink! That's four reasons why he's my dream boyfriend!"

"Calum, _you_ play guitar, sing, and like blink. And you could have pink hair if you want," Luke says encouragingly. Calum glares at him. "Fine, okay, I get it."

"We could be _soulmates,_ " Calum whines.

"So ask him out," Luke says. Calum whips his head around.

"Are you crazy? No way."

Luke looks him in the eyes and deadpans, "Oh, silly me, so sorry for suggesting that you ask Michael on a date because you like him and want to be his boyfriend."

"You should be," Calum says. "Be realistic." He throws Luke's hoodie collection across the room, where they all land in a messy lump on Luke's bed.

Luke sighs. “Calum. Either ask him out or shut up.”

Calum’s not going to do either of those things, and they both know it, but he falls silent anyway to give Luke at least a minute to pretend he will.

 **calum:** oh that’s really really cool i love guitar

 **calum:** i mean i play guitar as well

 **calum:** ive always wanted to be in a band

 **Sex God Michael Clifford:** we should start one

 **Sex God Michael Clifford:** ill be guitar and vocals. you be guitar and backup vocals. we tour the world

 **calum:** i’m pretty sure you need at least four people for a band

 **Sex God Michael Clifford:** well my cover band had five people and that did it no favors

 **calum:** but like. a drummer?

 **Sex God Michael Clifford:** yeah we didn’t have one of those

 **calum:** michael WHAT you were in a five-person COVER band and you didn’t have a DRUMMER

 **Sex God Michael Clifford:** SHUT UP WE WERE LIKE 13

* * *

First Bass becomes the thing that fills the void football once filled. Calum still plays football, obviously, and it’s amazing having Niall on the team, but if hard-pressed, Calum’s not sure he could name another five people who play. He plays for the sport, not the people. But in First Bass, it’s like a best of both worlds; he gets to sing, which he loves, and hang out with all his new friends, whom he loves.

Every rehearsal is a battle between Jack and Louis causing as much chaos as humanly possible, with Harry and Rian egging them on, while Alex and Ashton desperately try and wrangle things back to some semblance of control. Sometimes this means Alex is physically manhandling Jack into sitting on his lap at the piano just so he can secure his arms by his side. Calum keeps having moments where he wonders if people in the group are dating, or if they’re all just really close friends. He’s pretty sure there’s something between Jack and Alex, but Jack is pretty flirty with everyone.

And then there’s Michael.

“Hey,” Michael says, skidding to a stop next to Calum after apparently racing into the rehearsal room. Calum takes a moment before acknowledging him, because Louis is just finished playing Bohemian Rhapsody on the piano, which means everyone is singing as loudly as they possibly can.

“Nothing really matters,” Calum sings, turning straight to Michael. “Nothing really matters…” He points at Michael. Michael picks up the thread.

“To me,” he sings, grinning. “Anywhere the wind blows.”

“Hi,” Calum says. Michael is pink-cheeked, probably from the wind. It’s an unfairly good look on him. 

“Hi,” Michael says. “How are things?”

“Oh, you know, business as usual,” Calum says. “I had a paper due at midnight last night, so I wrote it at 11pm.”

“Obviously,” Michael says. “When else would you write it?”

“How are things with you?”

Michael shrugs. “More of the same. Playing guitar, a lot. I’m glad I got a single. I would have annoyed the fuck out of any roommate by now.”

“Could always come over to mine and Luke’s,” Calum offers, secretly dying to hear Michael play. “Between the three of us we could make some acoustic music that would blow minds.”

“Luke plays as well?”

“Yeah. Maybe we should invite him to join our band.”

“Right, the band,” Michael says. “I have to be honest, I think if the band is actually competent, it will defeat the purpose of the band.”

“I see.”

“Two guitarists, no bassist, and no drummer? Now that’s what I like to hear,” Michael says. “But three guitarists, that’s just a bit excessive. That’s just bragging.”

“I’ve been meaning to learn bass,” Calum says truthfully. “Then we’d have two guitarists and a bassist.”

“Calum, you’re making us competent,” Michael complains. “I want to be the worst band ever.”

“Not possible, given that band already exists, and it’s the cover band you did in secondary school.”

“I resent that. In fact, I regret telling you about that.”

“You do not.”

“I’m gonna go hang out with Luke,” Michael says, making no motion to go anywhere. “He’ll appreciate our shit band for what it should be: shit.”

“I have donuts, courtesy of my music ed class that everyone skipped today,” Ashton announces, breezing into the room.

So rehearsal is pretty much like that, all the time.

Calum tries not to make it seem like he’s finding any and every excuse to hang out with Michael, both during and outside of rehearsal, but Michael is enthusiastic enough every time he sees Calum that it doesn’t really matter. They meet up at the library for “study sessions” that end up with them sharing headphones and watching YouTube videos on the sixth floor so nobody finds them and kicks them out of the library. They get lunch almost every day, and sometimes Luke and Ashton join. Calum doesn’t mind the other food options on campus, but Michael is adamant that he will eat at the pizza place and _only_ the pizza place.

Calum eats a lot of pizza.

“Okay, my turn,” he says. “Uh…worst thing you ever said to a teacher.”

“Where to begin?” Michael says, taking another bite of pizza. “I’ve called so many teachers mum and dad that I’m not sure who my real parents are anymore.”

“That doesn’t count, everyone’s done that,” Calum says. “A really bad one.”

Michael grimaces and finishes his second slice of pizza. “Fine, alright, I’ve got one,” he says. “Year six, I was talking with one of my secondary school teachers who I really liked, and she asked me how my other classes were, so I said I liked them fine except one had a shit teacher. She asked me which one, so I told her the teacher’s name, and she said, ‘That’s my husband.’”

“Oh my God,” Calum says. “That’s _horrible._ ”

“Yeah, it was really awkward,” Michael agrees. He reaches across the table and takes a bite out of Calum’s pizza.

“Hey,” Calum protests halfheartedly. “Just get another slice if you’re gonna eat mine.”

“Nah, much more fun to take from you,” Michael says. “Okay. Uh...if you were invisible for a day, what would you do?”

“Spy on you,” Calum says. “Watch you wank.”

“All you have to do is ask,” Michael says, wiggling his eyebrows suggestively. Calum blushes and ducks his head like he’s thinking.

“Okay, no. Uh…I guess I would, like, steal something? Oh, I’d steal a bass guitar from Guitar Center,” he says. “There are some snazzy basses that I would kill to get my hands on.”

“You don’t even play,” Michael says.

“Not _yet,_ that’s why I need a bass. And Guitar Center would never know I was there.”

“You’d set off the burglar alarm, or whatever it’s called in stores,” Michael points out.

“Mike, are you going to support my dreams of theft or are you going to keep sitting there being a loser?”

“Fine, fine. I’ll drive the getaway car.”

“Of course you will.” Calum grins at him and takes another bite of his pizza.

“You know I would, right?” Michael says.

“Would what? Help me rob Guitar Center?”

“Yeah. Well, no.” Michael reddens. “I just mean, like. I’ll back you. In general. If you asked me to. I’ll help you bury the body or drive the getaway car, or whatever.”

Calum can feel his heart thumping aggressively against his ribcage. He tries to convince his wayward feelings that this is an admission of _friendship_ , nothing more, but it doesn’t stop the butterfly sensation filling his gut. “Thanks, Mikey,” he says. “I’d drive your getaway car too.”

“Now it just sounds like a euphemism for sex,” Michael says.

“Wow, you are physically incapable of _not_ ruining the moment.”

“I created the moment!”

“And then immediately ruined it.”

Michael steals his pizza again instead of answering.

* * *

Alex, Jack, Zack, and Rian live off-campus in a house affectionately known as “Hustler House,” for reasons Calum doesn’t know, which is, according to Liam, why all the acappella parties get hosted by them.

“Also, they’re all over 21, so they can keep booze,” Louis adds. Calum glances across the room at Alex. Alex throws him a peace sign. 

“We have a strict no-vom rule, though,” he says. “If you throw up you get kicked out forever.”

“That’s such a big lie,” Rian says. “Jack’s vomited like nine hundred times since we moved in.”

“Yeah, but I pay rent,” Jack says.

“If I give you two hundred dollars, can I vomit in your house? One time?” Louis asks. 

“Absolutely never,” Zack says.

“I’d love it if we could stop talking about vomit,” Harry chimes in. “Like, forever, please.”

“Squeamish?” Louis teases. Calum is about 80% sure that Louis and Harry either have a thing or are a thing, but nobody’s said anything about anyone, and he doesn’t want to ask. 

“Yes,” Harry says. “Very much so. From looking at your face.”

Louis scoffs. “Cheap shot. You love my face.”

“That’s what they want you to think,” Harry says.

Michael sits down next to Calum. “What have I missed?”

“There’s an acappella party on Saturday,” Calum says. “Everyone is invited except you.”

“That’s fine, I’m busy on Saturday,” Michael says.

“Oh yeah? Doing what?”

“Playing Halo,” Michael says. “And then taking breaks from Halo to play Fifa.”

“Everyone’s gonna get invited to the Facebook group for the party,” Rian says. “Don’t go spreading it around, though. It’s acappella only.”

“Wow,” Michael says. “I feel so elite.”

“You’re not even invited,” Calum says.

“Your mum’s not even invited.”

“Your _face_ —”

“Let’s do warm-ups,” Alex says, cutting off that intellectual back-and-forth before it can devolve too much. Calum’s grateful. He’s not certain what he was going to say, but it could just as well have been _your face is really pretty and I like looking at it._

He looks away from Michael before he ends up saying it anyway.

* * *

_You’ve been invited to an event!_ **_“pull up and throw down acappella style @ hustler”_ ** _hosted by Rian Dawson and 3 others_

_Event description:_

_alright acappella it’s time for the first hustler party of the year so let’s make it a good one_

_rules and regulations for the newbies or the people who get blackout drunk and forget:_

  * _NO VOM RULE IS STILL/ALWAYS IN EFFECT. louis. we are looking directly at you. if you vom you WILL be removed from the premises (zack wants to add that pretending to vom is almost as bad. don’t be that guy.)_
  * _smoke in the basement or the backyard, not the house. seriously don’t blaze up in our living room not only is it rude it makes it smell worse than zack after a workout_


  * _don’t invite non-acappella people unless you clear it with us our house is not that big_


  * _alex says it’s pointless to try and put this here but i’m putting it anyway: PLEASE don’t be crazy loud outside the house. we have neighbors. and they already hate us. so much._
  * _BYOB/BYOW_


  * _have a fuckin’ blast or you’re kicked out_



* * *

Calum is so, so trashed. He is _never_ doing shots with Niall again. When he turns, his head spins like a record player, and he has to lean against the wall in case he trips.

How the fuck did he even get here? Has there ever been a time before this incredibly drunk moment, right now? Has he ever even been sober in his life?

(Ashton had picked Luke and Calum up from their dorm, and they’d all walked together. Calum had texted Michael, asking if he wanted to walk with them, but Michael hadn’t answered.)

Okay. There’s a couch. If Calum can get to the couch, maybe the rpm of his head will decrease. He blinks a couple times. Couch. Wall. How much is that distance? It can’t be more than three feet. No. It looks like a lot more than three feet. How many shots did he have again?

“Niall,” he yells, and immediately realizes that’s not the best way to find someone at a party. The music is so loud Calum can feel his bones rattling. He doesn’t think he’s recognized a single song that’s played so far. He turns around and Niall is _right_ there.

“Woah, mate,” Niall says. The fucker doesn’t even look a _little_ drunk. Calum hates him.

“Fuck you and your Irish fuckin’...Ireland blood,” he says. “How many shots did we do?”

Niall grins. “Six, and I have to say I’m impressed you held out as long as you did. Luke capped out at two.” 

“Nialler, Jesus,” Zayn says, appearing like a guardian angel. “Calum, you had six shots? Have you had any water? Did you eat before you came?”

“Mother,” Calum says seriously, “I feel so very drunk right now, and I didn’t hear anything you just asked me.”

“Get him some water, Niall,” Zayn says. Niall grins cheekily, but he does as he’s told and weaves his way between the people to get to the kitchen. “Alright, Calum. That’s right. Let’s go to the couch.”

“My hero,” Calum says. “That’s where I was trying to go. But then I had to find Niall. Which I did!” A very small part of Calum’s brain, the rational part, knows that this memory is going to feel inordinately humiliating as soon as he wakes up with a crushing hangover. For the moment, though, it just feels kind of nice. Zayn’s like a mother hen. And he smells…like weed. It’s oddly comforting. 

Zayn sits him down on the couch and Niall returns with a blue solo cup full of water. Calum sniffs it, frowns, and then drinks it all in one go. “Oh my God,” he realizes. “I’m in love with water.”

Zayn laughs. “Okay,” he says. “Good. Only water from here on out, yeah? Niall. Fill it back up.”

“I’m not your personal servant,” Niall protests.

“You challenged a freshman to take shots with you. _You_ , Niall. You’re personally responsible for his well-being now.”

Niall pouts, but at least he stops arguing. Calum was starting to become upset.

“Are you dating Niall?” he asks Zayn, trying to whisper.

Zayn chuckles. “Nope. I’m dating Liam. Good try, though.”

“Is Niall dating…” Calum tries to remember the name of anyone else in the group. One has been recently mentioned. Calum latches onto it. “Liam?”

Zayn laughs. “No, he isn’t.”

“Okay,” Calum says. And then he sees a shock of pink hair. “Michael!” he shouts. Michael is holding a red cup and doesn’t see or hear him. Calum turns to Zayn and says, “I have to go say hi to Michael. I’ll be right back. Don’t drink my water.” He pushes himself up off the couch and heads in pursuit of Michael’s pink hair.

The chase takes him out the back door. Cold air hits him like a sack of bricks, and Calum realizes it’s drizzling out. He feels momentarily sober.

“Michael,” he shouts, and then realizes he’s being _way_ too loud. He claps a hand over his mouth. Michael turns and grins.

“Calum! I was just looking for you,” he says. “Sorry, I didn’t get your text until I finished my game of Halo. I forgot this was tonight. I just got here.”

“You actually played Halo?” Calum says. “I thought you were joking about that.”

“I never joke about Halo,” Michael says.

“I’m really glad your hair is pink,” Calum tells him.

“What?”

“So I can find you in a crowd,” Calum explains. “I saw you right away when you came in. You shouldn’t change it.”

Michael ducks his head. “Uh, okay.”

“It smells like weed out here.” As soon as he says it, he realizes how prominent the smell is. It probably won’t leave his clothes for weeks. Damn. It’s not like Calum hates the smell of weed, but he could certainly do without it permeating his t-shirt.

“Oh, God, it does,” Michael says, covering his face and nose. “I just wanted to be outside, I didn’t realize — I know the invite said smoke in the backyard but I didn’t really realize how many people were going to be smoking.”

“I didn’t realize how many people would be here,” Calum says. “Let’s go back inside.” He gasps. The smell reminds him of something. “I left Zayn alone. We have to go find him.” He grabs Michael by the wrist and pulls him forward, tripping over his own feet.

“Calum, Christ, how drunk are you?”

“Six,” Calum says. “I mean, six shots. It’s Niall’s fault. He’s _Irish,_ Mikey,” he whines. “He manipulated me.”

“You’ve had _six shots_?” Michael echoes, incredulous. “Calum. Have you drunk any water?”

“I am drunk,” Calum agrees. He trots up the steps to re-enter the house, Michael trailing behind him.

As soon as they’re back inside, Jack brushes past them and pulls to a stop. “The babies of the group!” he shouts. He has a tie wrapped around his head like a bandana and a hickey on his neck. Calum can’t help but wonder who’s responsible for putting it there. “Do shots with me!”

Michael glances at Calum, then says, “Uh, I don’t think we —”

“I will,” Calum interrupts. 

“Calum, you’ve had six —”

“I’m doing shots,” Calum says. “I don’t have anywhere to be tomorrow. Come on, Mikey, neither of us are driving. Just get a little wasted.”

Michael sighs. “Fine. _One._ But no more. We can’t both be drunk, we’d never find our way back.” 

“That’s what I like to hear!” Jack drags them to the dining room table, which is crammed with people sitting and talking and drinking. He gathers three shot glasses from the vast array spread out on the table and pours vodka into all three. “What are we drinking to, boys?”

Michael shrugs. “To First Bass?”

“To new friends?” Calum offers.

“To hot guys!” Jack says, and they all take their shots. Zack materializes behind him. Jack turns and grins. “Speaking of hot guys.”

“Hey,” Zack says, nodding at Calum and Michael. “Having fun?”

“Sooo much,” Calum says. “I think Jack thinks you’re hot.”

Zack snorts. “I sure hope so. He’d be a pretty bad boyfriend otherwise.”

Calum’s jaw drops. “ _What?_ ” he says. “I thought it — I thought Jack and Alex!”

“Everyone does,” Jack says. “It’s my most charming trait, the fact that I have palpable sexual tension with everyone I meet.”

“I like your hair,” Michael tells him.

“I like yours,” Jack answers. “Now if you’ll excuse me, my boyfriend and I are gonna make out.” He doesn’t even give them a chance to excuse themselves, just kisses Zack straightaway, and Michael and Calum make a hasty getaway.

“We never found Zayn,” Calum says as they zigzag their way between partygoers in search of the front door.

“I’m sure he’ll forgive you,” Michael says. “I need some fresh air. I hate vodka.”

Calum hates vodka too. He thinks about saying so, but instead says, “Zayn was taking care of me. He gave me water. He’s a brilliant guy. I like being in acappella, Mike. Everyone’s so nice.”

Michael doesn’t answer. They stumble out the front door and both sit down on the front stoop. “This is probably a bad place to sit,” Michael says, but Calum yanks on his sleeve and he sits. “Oh, gross, it’s wet.”

“That’s what she said.”

‘That’s what your mum said.”

“Hey, you take that back. My mum is a treasure.”

“I’m sure she is.”

“Michael,” Calum says, suddenly feeling that this is the most important thing he will ever say, and realizing how crucial it is for Michael to hear it. “Michael. Oh my God. You’re like — you remind me of stars.”

Michael blinks. “Come again?”

“Stars,” Calum insists. He looks up at the sky but can’t see any there, so he looks back at Michael, and that’s a lot better. “Bright and, like. Always pretty. And making me smile. And, like.” He feels like no matter what he says, it’s not going to be the right words. “Really hot?” he tries.

Michael’s expression shifts too many times in a second for Calum’s intoxicated brain to process. In the end, though, he just looks kind of sad. “Thanks, I think.”

“You don’t believe me.”

“I do.”

“Liar. I mean it.”

“I believe you!”

“Then why do you look sad?”

“I don’t look sad.” Michael smiles. “See? I’m happy.”

“You’re lying.”

“Stop saying I’m lying!”

“Well, stop lying and I’ll stop saying it!”

“I just wish you were sober,” Michael says.

Calum stares at him, eyes flickering over every inch of his face. “What?”

“Never mind. Nothing. We should go.”

“You just got here.”

“And it’s already a smashing success,” Michael mutters under his breath. He looks away, but Calum keeps staring. Every part of him glows. Calum wonders if he knows that. “Seriously, Cal. I’ll walk you back.”

Calum doesn’t want to stop looking at Michael’s face. Not now, not ever. He certainly doesn’t want to get up and start walking. He’s not totally sure he’s able to. “I should wait for Luke,” he says.

Michael sighs. “Right. Okay. Well. I’ll probably go, then.”

“No, don’t,” Calum says. “Wait. Fine. I’ll go with you. Let me just find Luke and tell him.”

“Okay.”

“Promise you won’t leave without me,” he says seriously.

“Okay, I promise.”

Calum nods, satisfied. He walks back into the house. The music immediately grinds his brain, and he abruptly realizes he wants nothing more than to leave this party right away. But he has to find Luke. And Zayn. Zayn! He left Zayn on the couch! He half-stumbles, half-hurries over to the couch, but Zayn isn’t there. Shit. Calum pulls out his phone and texts Luke.

 **calum:** luuuuukek where are you im leaving now with mikey 

A second later:

 **Luke Hemmings:** okay see you back at the room

 **calum:** youre staying?

 **Luke Hemmings:** calum i am literally making out with my boyfriend i will see you when i see you

Oh. Oops. Okay. That’s one problem solved. He turns around and desperately scans the room for any familiar face. Rian. That’s Rian. He lives here. Maybe he’ll know where Zayn went. Calum rushes over.

“Hey, Calum,” Rian says, smiling. 

“Hi,” Calum says. “Have you seen Zayn? I think I abandoned him by accident.”

“Kitchen, last time I checked,” Rian says.

Calum goes to the kitchen and Zayn is leaning against the fridge, drinking something. “Look who decided to come back,” he says, but his voice is tinged with concern. Calum _thinks._ He might just be drunk.

“Sorry,” he says. “Sorry sorry sorry. I’m gonna leave now. Mikey and I are heading out.”

“Just you two?” Zayn says, furrowing his brow. “Are either of you sober?”

“Michael is,” Calum says. Well. Other than one shot, but that’s hardly enough to cause a fuss. “We’ll walk so safely, mate, I promise. We’ll look before crossing.”

Zayn purses his lips. “Take some water,” he says. He downs whatever was left in his cup, then turns and fills it with tap water. Calum gratefully accepts.

“Thanks for taking care of me,” he says politely.

Zayn smiles at him. “Welcome to college acappella,” he says. “This is what we do. Get wasted and take care of each other.”

* * *

Calum would like to say that the cold, drizzly October air is sobering, but he’s still _really_ drunk. Six- no, _seven_ shots was too many. His stomach hurts. He shouldn’t have done the one with Jack, but he didn’t want Michael thinking…well, thinking anything. He just wanted to _do_.

On the bright side, Michael’s had an arm around Calum’s shoulder for their entire walk, with the defense that if he didn’t, Calum would faceplant into the road, so that’s nice.

He has absolutely no idea where they are. Michael seems confident in his sense of direction, and Calum is too busy trying not to trip over the cracks in the pavement to worry about doubting him. Michael is a little more chatty, though, which Calum likes. He likes the sound of Michael’s voice. He could listen to it forever. He wants to. He _wants_ , so bad it makes him stumble.

“You okay there?” Michael asks, cutting off mid-story to look over at Calum with mild concern.

“I’m awesome,” Calum says. “Keep going. I like hearing your voice.” At some point, the part of Calum’s brain that was helpfully saying things like _you’ll regret this tomorrow_ and _this is really embarrassing_ shut down, so now Calum is on his own. 

Michael clears his throat. “Uh. Okay. Anyway, we were asked to leave. Well, Josh was asked to leave, but then he kind of gave us all this look that was like, _if you guys don’t all walk out with me then we’re not friends anymore_. We were like thirteen and that felt like the biggest mistake ever, so we all left. I’ve still never gone back. I’m too worried the owner will recognize me.” He laughs.

“Wow,” Calum says. “You got kicked out of a coffee shop. You’re so punk rock.”

“Damn right I am,” Michael says. He looks up, and oh. This is Calum's residence hall. They slow to a stop in front of it. Calum gets deja vu from the night of callbacks. It’s crazy that it’s been a month since they met. He tells this to Michael, and Michael smiles, face all soft and happy.

“Yeah,” he says. “I’m glad we did.”

“Me too,” Calum says. “This would suck without you.”

Michael blushes. Calum loves his blush. It matches his hair. He rocks on his heels.

“I found Zayn before we left,” he says, in case Michael was invested in that narrative. “He gave me more water. He’s such a nice person.”

Michael looks at his shoelaces. “Yeah. Great.”

Calum is pretty he just said something wrong, but for the life of him he can’t figure out what.

“Thanks for walking me back,” he adds.

“Of course,” Michael says, looking up at him. Calum wants to drown in his eyes. He wishes the entire world was that shade of green. “Couldn’t let you faceplant in good conscience.”

Calum is overwhelmed with how beautiful Michael looks right now, with the nighttime lamps casting shadows across his face, the pink in his hair glowing in the light. He’d never really believed in magic, but right now he’s not so sure.

"Well," Michael starts to say, in a tone that is usually followed with _bye_ , and Calum doesn't want him to go, so he doesn't think. He kisses Michael.


	2. wouldn't know what to say if i had you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> chapter title from a daydream away by all time low from their SECOND best album dirty work

**_First Bass sluts and whores_ **

**_11:42 a.m._ **

**JB:** at least three of you left shit at hustler including but not limited to: someones charger that i THINK is louis’s, a make america gay again baseball cap, and wow i hate to say this but theres a blink 182 shirt on my bed that doesnt belong to me

**JB:** i hate to be that guy but  **@luke @Mr. Bass** if you guys banged on my bed we are going to have SO many words

**luke:** WE DIDNT

**Mr. Bass:** we banged on alex’s bed

**Father Of All Basses:** i wish i could wholeheartedly believe you’d never do that to me but i can’t

**Father Of All Basses:** did you seriously fuck on my bed

**luke:** NO WE DID NOT ASHTON STOP SPREADING LIES

**luke:** all my blink shirts are accounted for. it mustve been someone else’s

**Mr. Bass:** jack you think we would leave your house without a SHIRT ON in OCTOBER

**Father Of All Basses:** wait jack this is my shirt

**JB:** are you in my room right now

**Father Of All Basses:** yes and this is my shirt how did it get in your room

**JB:** fuck if i know dude

**Father Of All Basses:** ive been looking for this for like. weeks

**Zack:** oh you told me i could borrow it awhile ago for a project we were doing in my psych class i must have forgotten to give it back

**Father Of All Basses:** what the hell kind of project

**Zack:** something about young children. I just needed a shirt that would reasonably fit a 6-year-old

**Father Of All Basses:** that’s so unbelievably rude i’m a grown man

**Father Of All Basses:** how did it end up in jack’s room though

**Father Of All Basses:** as soon as i asked i realized i don’t want to know, so never mind

**Zayn:** does anyone know if calum is awake/alive he was really smashed last night and isn’t answering my texts

**luke:** hes here he’s just still asleep

**Zayn:** aces thanks

**Rian:** nobody’s worried about me, i’m fine, thanks for asking

**Tommo:** we didn’t ask because we don’t care

**Rian:** i love you :)

**harry/haz/hazza/harold:** hey back off

**Rian:** god it is BRUTAL being single in this group

**Tommo:** niall’s asleep so ill answer for him: feel ya there mate, been single practically me whole life, just gotta learn to love yourself! hahahahahahahahaahhhahahahaha

**Liam:** that was a really spot-on impression of niall

**Liam:** the laugh was a nice touch

**Liam:** so how did you boys like the party  **@luke @calum @sexy motherfucker**

**luke:** eh. 2/10

**luke:** ive seen better

**Father Of All Basses:** god the DISRESPECT from this kid

**Father Of All Basses:** that’s it you’re out of the group

**luke:** nooooo ashton tell him not to kick me out :(( if you let him do this ill break up with you

**Father Of All Basses:** firstly you do NOT get to play the “i’m banging the president of the group” card against me. i’m banging our sga representative. i win.

**luke:** oh shit really

**Rian:** if lisa heard you saying you were “banging our sga representative” she would immediately end it

**JB:** not true, lisa is a G

**Father Of All Basses:** yeah she is so get your freshman ass in line luke hemmings

**Mr. Bass:** don’t talk to luke like that

**luke:** yeah >:( im just a kid and life is a nightmare >:((

**Tommo:** AND he quotes simple plan? can we please remove him from the lineup

**luke:** i don’t care, i’ll go start my own group

**luke:** “Luke and the Actually Talented Singers”

**luke:** and it’ll just be me because fuck you all

**Rian:** given the fact that I don’t sing i feel like I’m not a part of this group dunk you’re dishing out

**Rian:** can I join your group

**luke:** alright fine just me and rian

**luke:** ooooh calum’s waking up bye

* * *

As predicted, Calum wakes with a crushing hangover.

It’s noon when he cracks his eyes open, and immediately wishes he hadn’t. He groans.

“Good morning,” he hears a familiar voice say.

“Fuck off,” Calum rasps. “If you don’t have water, I don’t want to see you.”

“It’s your lucky day,” Luke says. Calum opens his eyes a sliver more and sees Luke holding a bottle of water and a bottle of aspirin.

“I love you,” Calum whispers. Sitting up feels like an entire mission. He takes the aspirin and then drinks half the bottle. “Fuck. Holy fuck. My head.” He smacks his tongue against the roof of his mouth and gags. “Holy shit, I need to brush my teeth immediately.”

He swings his legs over the edge of his bed and then stops short as the previous night rushes back in one fell swoop.

“Oh my God,” he says. “Luke. I fucked up so bad.”

“What?”

“I kissed Michael,” Calum says. “I definitely did kiss Michael last night.”

“You  _ what? _ ”

“ _ Shut up, _ ” Calum hisses, because his head hurts. “Fuck, fuck, fuck. Fuck. I should call him. He must be so mad right now. He probably won’t even want to talk to me, oh God. I shouldn’t call him. I don’t even remember what happened immediately afterwards. What if he slapped me and told me to never speak to him again? Luke.  _ FUCK. _ ”

“Calum. Breathe.” Luke appears in front of him, hands steadying on Calum’s shoulders. “One thing at a time. First you’re gonna brush your teeth and have a shower, and then we’re going to get some breakfast, and then once you’re a person again you can handle this like a mature adult.”

Calum tries to calm down and act rationally. He’s pretty panicky about this Michael situation, but it’s not like it’ll go away if he takes a few minutes to eat. And food sounds phenomenal. “It’s noon,” he says mulishly. “That’s not breakfast.”

“Breakfast is always your first meal after you wake up.” Luke shoves at Calum’s shoulders. “Teeth. Shower. Go.”

Calum isn’t sure if it’s luck or cruelty to have Luke as a roommate. Just in case he did any other dumb shit while completely trashed, though, he checks his message history for drunken texts, ignoring various unread messages from people checking in — mostly Zayn, although Calum isn’t sure how he got his number. Nothing. Apparently he managed to figure out the dumbest possible thing to do last night and figured it dwarfed any smaller dumb thing he could possibly do. He keeps a steady stream of  _ Calum you fucking moron  _ running in the back of his mind for the duration of his shower, just in case he tries to forget.

His head still feels like it’s being repeatedly smashed by a small boulder, but at least he’s clean and can take a breath without wanting to pass out. It counts as progress. He and Luke head to the pizza place for lunch — greasy food sounds like literal heaven right now — and Calum eats four slices in quick succession.

“I’m gonna marry this pizza,” he tells Luke through a mouthful of his third piece. 

“Get a room,” Luke says.

“Oh, we will,” Calum says. “The honeymoon suite. Because we’re getting married.” Then his head falls forward onto the table. “ _ Ow. _ Fuck. I was trying to be despairing but it just hurt a lot.  _ Luke. _ I can’t believe I kissed him. I’m such a fucking moron.”

“I know that,” Luke says. Calum lifts his head to shoot him a glare. “Jesus, Calum, grow a pair and talk to him. Just tell him the truth and ask that he do the same. You’re an adult.”

“Take that back,” Calum whines. Luke balls up a napkin and throws it at him.

“If it happened to you, isn’t that what you would want?” he points out. “A mature conversation? Not some weird evasion tactic. The only thing you can do is talk to him.”

“I hate that you think you know better than me just because you’ve been in  _ one _ relationship,” Calum grumbles.

“Which I’m still in,” Luke says. “How’s your love life, Cal?”

Calum takes the napkin and throws it blindly back at Luke.

* * *

Calum doesn’t see Michael until rehearsal, and doesn’t hear from him either. He thinks about texting him, something like  _ hey, can we talk, _ but that sounds too threatening. He checks and rechecks the First Bass group chat, but Michael hasn’t said anything. There’s rehearsal at 8pm, and Calum is nervous to go, nervous to see Michael, nervous that Michael won’t show up, but he made a commitment to the group, so at 7:50 he walks over with Luke. They don’t talk about the Michael thing, but Calum can tell that Luke can tell he’s distracted and distraught. Before they go in, Luke pulls him aside.

“Cal,” he says. “It’s gonna be fine. Everything will work out, alright? Just go in, enjoy rehearsal. If he’s there, you can talk to him after. If not, you can text him and talk tomorrow.”

Calum is incredibly grateful to have Luke as a friend. “Thanks,” he says, and means it sincerely. “You’re a real bro.”

“I know I am,” Luke says. They go in.

Michael isn’t there. Calum’s stomach drops.

_ We’re ten minutes early, _ he thinks.  _ Michael doesn’t usually get here until much closer to 8.  _ But every minute that passes he gets more and more nervous. If Calum has ruined First Bass for Michael, he’ll never forgive himself. He can still remember the gleam in Michael’s eyes when they walked into their first rehearsal. Michael loves this group.

He shows up at 8:01, just as Alex is starting warm-ups.

Calum and Luke make eye contact when Michael comes in, wearing an oversized sweater with sleeves that hang over his wrists. Calum doesn’t look directly at him, and neither of them acknowledge each other. Michael goes and stands by Niall on the other end of the room and joins in on warm-ups.

They don’t interact for all of rehearsal. When they stand in formation to sing, Michael stands on the other end of the bass 1s. They practice Fat-Bottomed Girl, normally one of both Calum and Michael’s favorites to perform, and Calum sees in the corner of his eye that Michael is barely even singing, not even dancing to the song with the rest of the group. It makes his heart physically ache. During I Will Follow You Into The Dark, Calum almost cries, and has to excuse himself to the bathroom to pull himself together. He feels sick by the end. He’d desperately wanted Michael to show up to rehearsal tonight, so that they could talk and get it over with, but now that Michael is here Calum wishes one of them hadn’t come. Even now, avoiding Michael’s eyes, he can’t help but wish something were different. Michael looks criminally adorable with sweater paws. 

Calum doesn’t want to talk to Michael, because if they talk, then it’s over, and Calum will lose Michael forever. Sue him; he wants to postpone that as long as possible.

“Alright, thanks, guys. See you on Thursday,” Alex says at 10 on the dot. Everyone starts to leave. Calum sees Michael head for the door. He knows he should stop him, but — 

“Don’t even think about backing out,” Luke mutters to Calum.

“Don’t tell me what to do,” Calum says, petulantly. “He obviously doesn’t want to talk to me.”

“Or maybe he just thinks  _ you _ don’t want to talk to  _ him, _ ” Luke says. “Grow up and go talk to him before you make it into a group problem.”

Calum hadn’t even really considered how this might affect the First Bass dynamic, but of course Luke is right. He doesn’t want to fuck things up for the group. He’s hardly even  _ in  _ the group. He owes it to them to not make waves.

“Go,” Luke adds. Shit. Michael’s already gone. Calum glances at Luke, then takes off out the door of the rehearsal room and down the stairs.

Michael is already outside Kennedy. Calum bursts out the doors onto the landing of the stairs and calls, “Michael.” It comes out cracked. Michael turns and does a great impression of a deer in headlights.

“What?”

Calum opens and closes his mouth, trying to pick out the right words. Michael sighs and turns to go.

“Wait, Michael. Stop. Can we talk?” He winces. Impressive how he’s made it sound like he’s breaking up with someone he’s not even dating. He descends the stairs. At least now they’re face to face. “Please?”

"You don’t have to,” Michael says. He won’t even meet Calum’s eyes.

“I do,” Calum says, even though he doesn’t want to. “I owe you an explanation.”

“Calum, just leave it. We can forget it.”

“Mikey,” Calum begs. Michael flinches at the nickname. “Please. I just — I just want to be honest. It’s what I would want. You deserve the truth.” 

Michael exhales heavily, staring resolutely at his hands. He looks like he’s steeling himself. He looks miserable. “Fine. Go on.”

God, it could not be any more obvious that Michael doesn’t want to hear Calum admit it. But Calum is an adult now. Luke has faith in him. Losing Michael will hurt like a bitch, but keeping him close under false pretenses isn’t fair to either of them.

“I — I just want to say that I’m really sorry I kissed you. That was out of line, regardless of how I felt — I should never have done it like that, and I shouldn’t have done it drunk and I certainly shouldn’t have expected you to reciprocate. So. I’m sorry. And I want to be honest with you —”

“Wait,” Michael says, “go back.”

“Michael,” Calum says, a bit exasperated. “You can tell me off all you want in like, two minutes.”

“Did you say  _ regardless _ of how you  _ felt _ ?” Michael repeats.

“That’s what I’m trying to tell you,” Calum says. “I really like you, Michael. I’m sorry that — I should have kept it to myself, this would never have been a problem. I just want things to go back to normal. I promise I’ll never —”

“Wait, shut up,” Michael says, and for the first time since Calum walked up, he looks him in the eye. “You like me?”

“Michael, I  _ kissed  _ you,” Calum says incredulously. Michael is being rude, and Calum is starting to feel both irritated and embarrassed. 

“Yeah, but I just assumed, because you were so drunk, and you kept talking about…” Michael trails off and then meets Calum’s eyes and starts to smile. Calum starts getting the idea that they are really, really not understanding each other.

“What’s happening right now,” he says cautiously, too nervous to even try and interpret anything without explicit confirmation from Michael.

“Cal, I thought you were going to tell me you  _ don’t _ like me,” Michael says. “I thought you were rejecting me.”

“What? How on Earth could you possibly get that from me kissing you and calling you pretty and, like, I don’t even remember everything I said?”

“You were hammered!” Michael says. “I figured you were projecting, like, that you liked someone else, like maybe Zayn —”

“Oh my God this is insane, you are so unbelievably thick,” Calum says. He steps closer to Michael, close enough to count the different colors in his eyes. “Michael. Listen at me. I like you a crazy amount. I have liked you since I stepped on your foot.”

“Still hurts, by the way,” Michael mumbles.

“Michael, I am  _ literally  _ in the middle of asking you out.”

Michael beams. “Sorry, sorry.”

“I like you a fucking lot,” Calum continues. “A whole fucking lot. I kissed you because I really fucking wanted to kiss you. I actually  _ always _ want to. And it would mean the entire world to me if you would please, please go out with me and not laugh in my face right now and tell me this is all a really elaborate, cruel prank.”

Michael stares at him. “It’s all a really elaborate, cruel prank,” he says. Calum smacks his shoulder. “See, you wouldn’t even believe me if I said it! Yes, obviously I’ll go out with you. I’ve had a crush on you since we, like, met.”

“I can’t believe this,” Calum says. “I could have been kissing you this  _ whole time _ ?”

“It seems like we have a lot of lost time to make up,” Michael says.

“I’m so disgusted by the fact that you just said that that I’m not even sure I like you anymore.”

“Bullshit,” Michael breathes, and kisses him. And holy  _ shit _ . This time Calum knows he’s going to remember every second of it; the way Michael’s hair feels between his fingers, the way Michael’s palms wrap around Calum’s waist, his oh-so-soft mouth and the way he bites at Calum’s lower lip. It’s a bit early to say, but Calum might be in love.

“Jesus,” Michael exhales when they break apart. “If I knew you were going to kiss like that, I never would’ve stopped you the first time.”

“ _ You _ never would've stopped  _ me _ ?” Calum says. “I'm the one who pulled away.”

Michael frowns. “No you didn’t.”

Calum pauses. “It’s possible my memory of that night is slightly to very fuzzy,” he admits. “I’m not sure if you know this, but I was a little bit drunk.”

Michael laughs. “Cal, I pushed you away. I said we shouldn’t. And then you agreed with me, apologized a lot, and all but ran inside. You really don’t remember?”

“ _ I did? _ ” Calum says. “I really don’t. I’m so sorry, Mikey.”

“Ah, it’s water under the bridge.”

“Why’d you,” Calum starts, before realizing maybe he shouldn’t ask. But Michael raises his eyebrows, so Calum decides, fuck it. “Why did you stop me, if you liked me,” he finishes. "This whole thing could have been avoided."

“Calum, you had  _ seven shots _ ,” Michael says flatly. “I may be horny, but I’m still a gentleman.”

Scratch that. It’s never too early to know. Calum is definitely in love. 

“Fair enough,” Calum says. “Nothing gets me going like a man who respects my body.”

“Oh my God," Michael says. “Can we please go back to kissing? I liked it better when you couldn't ruin the effect by talking.”

Which is a pretty rude thing to say, but Michael makes a persuasive argument, so they go back to kissing.

They hold hands on the walk back to the dorms. Calum has never felt happier in his life. Maybe he should send flowers to Luke for convincing him to come to the acappella showcase. It might have been the best decision he’s made at uni. It might be the best decision he ever makes.

* * *

**First Bass sluts and whores**

**10:26 p.m.**

**calum:** breaking news: I'm gay and I like DICK

**Rian:** at this point I'm pretty sure that's a requirement for being in first bass

**JB:** Calum hooked up Calum hooked up Calum hooked up who did you hook up with Calum spill the tea right now

**sexy motherfucker:** hi

**JB:** FUCK yeah i knew it

**calum:** excuse me I am a PROPER GENTLEMAN I don't put out on the first date

**sexy motherfucker:** oh. shame. I do

**JB:** dang me and you both michael am I right Zack

**Zack:** I cannot express in words how much I don't want to talk about our sex life in this group chat

**Rian:** seconded, I live with you guys

**Father Of All Basses:** yeah thirded

**Zayn:** fourthed

**harry/haz/hazza/harold:** fifthed

**JB:** okay okay I get it you're all jealous cuz I'm getting laid more than any of you

**Zack:** you're not getting laid more than me, unless there's something you're not telling me

**sexy motherfucker:** Zack will you adopt me right now I mean it

**Mr. Bass:** I wish we ever talked about something other than sex

**JB:** okay fine  **@luke @calum @sexy motherfucker** DM me your 2 truths and lie and a funny picture of you so I can put you on our Instagram

**Father Of All Basses:** wow jack it's so sexy when you get all professional

**Father Of All Basses:** right Zack

**Zack:** are you flirting with Jack for me

**Zack:** you know we're already dating right

**Zack:** for like, three years

**Liam:** that was one of the weirdest things you've done Alex

**Father Of All Basses:** I'm hurt and offended that that's one of the weirdest things you think I've done

**Father Of All Basses:** you've known me for like three years

**Father Of All Basses:** I once ordered a single french fry from McDonald's and THIS is the weirdest???

**sexy motherfucker:** maccas

**luke:** maccas

**calum:** maccas

**Mr. Bass:** maccas

**Tommo:** you've spelled maccies wrong lads

**Father Of All Basses:** I fucking hate you fucking foreigners

**Author's Note:**

> thank youuuuuuu for reading thissssss my tumblr is @clumsyclifford you can come talk to me unless youre just going to bitch at me about my atl album opinions (helen) in which case dont bother


End file.
